


Always You

by hisfirstrealcrush



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Bondage, Bottom Louis, Fingering, Heartbreak, Liam as Louis' boss and zayn's boyfriend, M/M, Niall is Harry's best friend, Older Harry, Poor Louis, Rich Harry, Rimming, Slow Burn, Stripper Louis, Top Harry, Younger Louis, Zayn as the dj and Louis' best friend, blowjob, handjob, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-25 07:12:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14971811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hisfirstrealcrush/pseuds/hisfirstrealcrush
Summary: ❝You can't just take a rose, and not respect it's thorns.❞or in which Harry broke Louis' heart and now he has to pay the price.





	1. un.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Welcome to 'Always You.' I hope you'll like my story, and please do check out my other stories as well. Enjoy chapter one. The first few chapters would be crappy since I wrote this years ago, but fear not, I edited it all gave it more life.

>  Don't say you need me when  
>  You leave and you leave again.  
>  I'm stronger than all my men,  
>  Except for you.
> 
> -Pretty when you cry by Lana Del Rey 

 

 

 

Louis squeezed his eyes shut as he remembered another painful memory of  _him._ The memory was repeating again and again until he forced his eyes to open. He really needs to forget about him soon and just move on, but it was hard when  _he_  was Louis' first and only love. 

"Gentlemen," The dj, Zayn, announced on the speaker. "The moment you have been waiting for, please welcome, the Gentlemen's Sugar!" The hollers and the loud sound of the music began playing. The club was filled to the brim with men who payed more than they really should just to see Louis grind on a pole every Monday and Friday. After all, the twink was seductive and had Aphrodite's beauty. 

Louis then smirked as he began his routine after stepping out from the back, swaying his hips in a sinful manner. He grinded  on the pole and bit his lip seductively. He can hear men groaning and wolf whistles, making him grind harder. He crawled on the edge of the stage that's shape like 'T'. He forced himself to look like he enjoyed the touches that creepy old men would linger on his arse. It almost made him vomit in disgust as he saw one touch his arm with a wedding ring on his finger. 

_Cheaters._

He crawled slowly and felt men inserting money in his short shorts. He winked at them and kneeled, grazing his fingers on his chest down to his torso. He snaps his suspenders and gazed at the crowd. He was so tired of this, but he knew he needed to continue with life even if it's shit. Life wasn't made with too many choices for Louis Tomlinson. 

 

☽ ☾ ☽ ☾ ☽ ☾ 

 

 

"Louis!" He snapped his head to the side and saw his boss, Liam. He smiled at him and adjusted his robe.

Liam smiles back and spoke, "Lap dance on room 13. Don't worry, he's not some old greasy guy." He grin once again before storming out.

Louis nodded and applied red lipstick, before he changed into some red lacy panties and red stilettos

This is his life. By day, he goes to Uni while at night, he works as a stripper.  On Sundays, he works at some coffee shop, and he can only rest and be his lazy self on Saturday since it's his day off. As much as he hated stripping off to a crowd full of horny people, he knew he needed the extra cash just so he can pay rent and for his tuiton fee. He basically doesn't have any choice but to do it. If only he was rich and doesn't need to work his ass off everyday just to earn for a living. 

Louis stood up and put on his silky white robe. He walked to the door, slamming it shut after. He walked towards the room 13 and walked in. The loud music was faint when he closed the door, forcing a smile on his lips. Lap dances were always his least favorite, but he earned extra for this. 

The customer, was blonde, but the roots were brunette. His blue eyes and smile are what made Louis feel comfortable -since mainly he feels so fücking uncomfortable when giving a lap dance. But before Louis can start and take off his robe, the guy spoke, his Irish accent ringing in Louis' ears.

"I'm sorry but I don't want a lap dance," Louis' eyebrow arch in confusion. "My mate told me to ask for your number." The guy explained, an apologetic look on his face. Guess Louis won't be earning a few more bucks for tonight. 

"Look, if you wanted my number, you could've ask for it yourself." Louis snapped.

The boy laughed, "I'm straight." Louis sighed and crossed his arms on his chest.

"Whatever." Louis stormed out and huff in annoyance, although he was quiet relieved, a lap dance wasn't always easy and lovely; old, married men who couldn't deal with their own sexuality would pay him a few hundreds just for a lap dance, and sometimes, a handjob here and there. 

 

 

☽ ☾ ☽ ☾ ☽ ☾ 

 

Louis dug his key from his jean pocket, unlocking his apartment door. He entered his small apartment and slammed the door shut and locking it after. He place his keys on the coffee table and hang his coat on the rack. He entered the kitchen, placing his bag on the kitchen counter. He boiled some water and prepared his favourite tea and a mug. He waited anxiously and grab his iPhone from his jean pocket. His phone was crappy and old, and it was Zayn's gift for his birthday last year. He didn't need a brand new phone since his crappy one can still call and text so it was his least concern. 

 

Louis' life turned shit when the man he truly loved -still do- left him on the streets without any explanations or goodbye.  _He_ just told Louis to get out and drove off. Louis cried after him and slept on an ally for a month and a half until someone offered him a work. He, of course, agreed and was shocked when he found out he would be working as a stripper. He was hesitant at first considering he's very self conscious and doesn't know how to dance. After a month of training, he was ready. His first night was a bit bad since he was very nervous, until the next night when Liam told him not to be nervous or he might fire him. And as the days, weeks, and months past, the strip club was pack of people waiting for Louis to dance. He was known as the 'twink of The Rose and The Dagger Strip Club' and as much as he hated the way they dubbed him, he knew the increase of his popularity had help him with uni, and his monthly budget. 

 

Louis was snapped out of his thoughts by the boiling water's noise. He carefully lifted it and poured the hot water on his mug, placing the kettle back and place his tea bag inside the water.

 

 

☽ ☾☽ ☾  ☽ ☾ 

 

 

Morning rolled by and Louis was walking towards a small restaurant he always went to. Not only is it cheap and delicious, the employees there treated him like he's been their mate for so long, joking around with him. It was like his safe haven in this world full of cruelty and hate. He went inside and was greeted with a homey feeling. The restaurant was deserted, since it was early, and he smiled at the employees before making his way at his usual table.

"Good morning Louis!" He heard Emma from the counter, greet. And soon, the rest greeted him. He saw Allen walking towards him with a notepad and a pen in his hand.

Louis smiled at him, "Morning, Al."

"What would you like?"

"The usual please."

Allen nodded and walked off, leaving Louis alone.

He gazed outside and admired the view, it was truly an amazing place. People were smiling and laughing, greeting each other. It made Louis envious. How can they manage to be happy? He wanted that-- he wanted to be happy. To be happy with  _him_  but he guessed it wasn't meant to be. Maybe he was destined to be sad and alone. 

He wondered why  _h_ e left him. Why he fūcking all of a sudden abandoned him when he needed him the most.

_Maybe it's because of my thick thighs?_

_Maybe it's because of my tummy?_

_Or maybe I was just so ugly._

 

Louis drank the last sip of his tea before placing five notes on the table. He decided to sit there for a while and just stare outside. He watched children play and have fun and felt a warm feeling. He always wanted to have kids with  _him._ To have someone call them mummy and daddy. He wanted to have a mini version of him. He had learned he was fertile and immediately thought about having a family with _him._ How ridiculous of him to actually think of having a family with the man who doesn't even want him.

He was so caught up with his own little world, he didn't notice someone entering. He didn't notice someone was staring at him with sad eyes and regret. He didn't notice someone looked at him longingly and fondly. He missed the way a pair of green eyes stare at him like he was the sun, moon, star. He missed the way his ex lover's tears cascaded down to the floor, as the latter stared at him with longingness, and dispair. 

 

_I miss you, my love._

He didn't hear Harry whisper those loving words. 

 

⚣⚣⚣

 

 

The next morning, when Louis was about to leave for his morning classes, thermos in hand, and books in his bag that was hanging on his shoulder. He had his keys ready in pockets, as he made sure to lock every window, and door there is in the house, and went to the kitchen to make sure the stove was turned off. Call him paranoid, but he doesn't want anything to happen to his small flat that he doesn't really feel at home to begin with. 

After Louis made sure to check everything, he went out and closed his door, not noticing someone else's presence. 

"Louis!"The brunette haired boy turned around and saw the blonde guy again. Does he not know anything about personal space? And the fuck? 

"How'd you know my name?" Louis asked, raising a brow in confusion as he lock his apartment door. He 

The blonde guy shrugged, "Well, I have connections." He walked towards Louis with a friendly smile on his face. Even with the friendly grin, Louis knew he shouldn't trust anyone just because they show you kindness. He even trusted someone who 'loved' him and then left afterwards, why would he trust someone who's being nice? 

"And how'd you know where I live?" He interrogated the blonde Irish boy who was typing on his phone. 

"Just like I said, I have connections." The blonde answered, causing the brunette to roll his eyes in annoyance. 

"Can you stop saying that? And please stop pestering me." Louis snapped, walking away from the blonde guy who only shook his head. He doesn't have anytime for bullshit, and he was late for class. He'll deal with the blonde later once it starts to be important and life threatning. 

Louis stuffed his earphones in his ears, greeted by the familiar voice of Lana Del Rey, soothing every fiber in his body. He loved Lana's voice, and each one of her songs, he adored with all his heart. Sighing, he basked in the sun's warmth that was surpisingly present today. He liked the sun, but he loved the moon because the moon knew his secrets, and sees his soul, unlike the sun who only saw his body, and not who he truly is. 

 

  
   **⚣   ⚣ ⚣**

Louis sat on his usual chair at the back with his attention focused on his book. He furrowed his eyebrows in concentration as his eyes skimmed on the book. The book was one of his favourites, it being called 'The Great Gatsby'. It was a great book and no matter how many times he read it, the excitement never fades.  On some days, when he'd call in sick, he'd just sit on the sofa, reading books like 'Boy Meets Boy', 'Divergent', and 'Carry On', while music plays. It was truly peaceful for him that he'd sometimes wish that his work was more easy and decent other than being a stripper at night.

"Hey, Lou." Zayn, Louis' best mate spoke up from beside him. He ignored the Pakistani boy and focused on the book he was reading. He would deal with him later, but for now, he focused on the book that he was too indulged with. 

"Don't ignore your best mate." Zayn teased, knowing how Louis gets when he's interrupted from reading. He had been friends with Louis for about  a year now, and he knew that the boy had walls built, and he tried to break those down, but Liam had informed him not to force Louis into opening up. They didn't know Louis' full story, so they didn't force him to when they noticed the cerulean eyed boy didn't want to talk about his past. 

Louis ontinued ignoring him, determine to read peacefully but of course, it's impossible when you have a friend like Zayn. 

"Stop reading and talk to me." Zayn poked Louis' side, causing him to squirm.

Louis looked up and glared at the boy. "Stop it, Malik. Or else."

Zayn only laughed and jeered again. " Aww what's little Lou gonna do? Beat me to death? Oh yeah he can't because he's so small."  Louis groaned in annoyance and pinched him. 

"I'm not small, Zayn!" Louis snapped, angered at what his friend just said. He's 5'9! He's tall, not small. How could anyone say that he isn't? He grumbled and ignored Zayn throughout the whole period. 

 

   **⚣   ⚣ ⚣**

 

 


	2. deux.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited.

 

>   _I waited for you_  
>  In the spot you said to wait  
>  In the city, on a park bench  
>  In the middle of the pouring rain  
>  'Cause I adored you  
>  I just wanted things to be the same  
>  You said to meet me out there tomorrow  
>  But tomorrow never came  
>  Tomorrow never came  

-Tomorrow Never Came by Lana Del Rey 

 

 

 

Louis' shift just ended and he's currently getting dress. The club was packed since it was Friday, and all of them were his admirers. Old or young married men asking for private show disgust him, but what can he do when it's the only thing that helps him pay for Uni and his rent.

Louis exited the club when he was suddenly grabbed. He lets out a gasp and was about to hit the person when he realized who it was. It was the one who broke his heart into tiny pieces and danced on it's remains until there was nothing left for him. It was the man who he stupidly loved even if he had hurt Louis in every way there is. And Louis wondered, was Harry happy that he broke someone who was broken from the start to begin with? Was he satisfied to see Louis sell his dignity, and body just to live? So many thoughts and questions, but he couldn't utter any of those, as if his lips were zipped. 

"Louis, we need to talk." Harry pleaded, trying to take Louis' hand in his, but flinched when the latter pulled his hand away.

Tears gathered in Louis' eyes as he stared at the man in front of him. Harry changed a lot. His hair was short, and he looked tired. Louis couldn't believe that the man who broke his heart, was now talking to him.

"What are you doing here?" Louis spat, glaring at the older man of the two. His eyes showed nothing but anger, and fury, hiding every inch of love there was. He wanted to show Harry that he didn't forget what the man did to him, and didn't fail to show it. 

Harry looked taken back and sighed, his hands gripping Louis' waist, who almost leaned in but stepped back, letting Harry's hand fall to his side. "I- we need to talk ab-" Louis interrupted him. Harry's hand found his petite waist again, and Louis was so tempted to melt in the touch. 

"We have nothing to talk about." Louis wiggled out of Harry's tight grip, but it was no use, Harry was stronger.

Harry stared intently at his eyes, "Yes we do."

Louis rolled his eyes. "You left me with no explanation or whatsoever, and now, thanks to you, I'm a fuck up. I don't think you deserve an explanation. Now please, I need to go."

And with that, Louis walked away from a guilty Harry who was trying not to cry. Louis almost felt guilty, but he knew Harry deserved to know how it felt being abandoned with nothing but his heart in his hand. 

 

   **☠  ☠☠**

 

 

Louis awoke that morning with a headache and tear stained cheeks. When he got home last night, he cried himself to sleep, wishing everything would be okay. He wished that he will never see Harry again. But a part of him wished that he would be in Harry's arms again.

He stood up lazily and got ready for Uni. He moved slowly and went to the bathroom to shower quickly. He got dress and carried his bag, not bothering to eat anything, deciding that he'll eat later. He sent a text to Zayn, to pick him up.

Zayn arrived after 5 minutes with a huge smile on his face. Louis rolled his eyes and rose his eyebrows, waiting for Zayn to talk.

"Liam asked me to be his boyfriend and I said yes!" Zayn beamed. Louis smiled at his friend and congratulated him. They went inside and chatted about Zayn's date with Liam last night.

When they arrived, they got out and went inside, rushing inside and hoping that they weren't late. Thankfully, when they got there, their Professor wasn't there. Louis sighed in relief as he and Zayn went to their seats which was in front. 

A few minutes later, a man came in, and it wasn't his professor. No, it was Harry Styles. He was dressed professionally and he wore a smirk on his face. Louis felt like he couldn't breathe. He was confused as to why the man was here. He wanted to slap that smirk off from Harry's face, but he needed some answers. His breath was uneven, and he felt so pathetic when he almost wished to be back in Harry's arms. 

Harry glanced around the room and his eyes landed on his Louis. He smiled and continued to look around. He saw girls checking him out, and he wanted to roll his eyes. Too bad he only wanted Louis. He straightened his posture and spoke with authority, and no, Louis didn't swoon, nor did his dick perk up at the familiar voice. 

"Good morning, my name's Harry Styles and I'll be your Professor for a while since Mr Jackson has some important things to do. Questions?"

"How old are you?" A girl with raven hair ask, blue eyes boring into him with a seductive tone laced in her voice. The blue in her eyes wasn't a match to Louis' who had the whole galaxy in his cerulean eyes. 

Harry chuckled. "29. Anyway, why don't you pass your assignments." He collected every assignment and lingered a bit when he passed by Louis, noticing that the boy was looking anywhere but at his direction. It made Harry's stomach churn when Louis avoided his gaze, even when he gave Harry his assignment.   


Louis suddenly doesn't know how to feel. His ex lover is here. He thought that he wouldn't see him again. It seems like fate is playing him, and it looks like he's losing. He shook his head, he should've sat at the back. He tapped Zayn on the shoulder causing the raven haired boy to turn to him. He needs to get out of here as fast as he can, he doesn't want to face the man again, nor does he want to see everyone flirting with him. He's not jealous, no, but he wanted to yell at everyone and tell them that Harry was not interested; but he had no right to do that. Not anymore. 

"I'm just gonna go to the loo." Louis informed Zayn. 

Zayn nodded and went back to sketching. Louis took a deep breath and stood up, causing Harry to turn to him. He went up to the older lad with shaky hands and eyes trained on the floor. He wasn't prepared for this, fuck. 

"Yes, Mr Tomlinson?" Harry asked, his heart fluttering at the sight of His Louis. Technically, not his Louis, but soon, he will have Louis back in his embrace. Soon. 

"May I be excused? I need to go to the loo." Louis softly asked. He didn't look up, fearing that he might melt under Harry's gaze if he does. 

Harry didn't speak for a moment, and just sat and amired the petite boy. He inspected every part of his face, tattooing it in his mind, and keeping it there. Louis Tomlinson was such a masterpiece, and he felt a burning sensation in his chest, and he knew it was regret. How could he ever let someone as wonderful as Louis go? 

"You may." 

 

 

➵ ➵ ➵ 

 

When Louis was still a kid, he had wished that he would marry a prince and have a happy ever after, but as a he grew older, he realized that it only happens in stories and movies. There was no happy ever after. He stopped believing especially when Harry abandoned him. He stopped believing those bull, and faced reality. He hated to face reality, but he had no choice but to get used to it. He knows that, to survive this world, you have to be heartless, and never wear your heart on your sleeve.

Louis got dressed quickly and wore his heels. He glance at the other strippers who were getting ready. He didn't have a lot of friends. Zayn, and Liam were his only friends and he was very thankful. Why have a lot of friends who'll eventually leave you?

"Lou, you're up next." Liam said, and ushered him to go. He nodded and walked towards the stage. He took a deep breath and the curtains slowly opened.

"The one you all have been waiting for," Zayn spoke through the microphone. "Sugar!"

Louis smirked and walked seductively to the edge of the stage, feeling hungry eyes on him. He loved the attention. He wink and bit his lip, bending down and slapping his ass. He went to where the pole is on and grind his hips. He saw men throwing money on the stage while some where sitting down with eyes full of lust. He twirled around the pole, looking at the crowd. The whole club was filled with hollering and groans.

After his scene, he went to the dressing room, stuffing all the money he got, inside his bag. He was about to change when Liam called him.

"Lap dance in room 2."

Louis sighed and nodded, changing into another outfit. He grabbed a pair of handcuffs and went to the room. He really wanted to go home, but he was worried that he'll be alone again. Don't get him wrong, he likes being alone, but sometimes it gets lonely, you know?

He opened the door and gasp. Life must really hate him right now. He closed the door and stared anywhere but at Harry.

"Didn't know you'd be a fucking stripper. Dancing in front of horny old men. Never knew you'd be the type." Harry spoke.

Louis snapped his head to Harry's direction, feeling his blood boil. How could he fucking say that?! He wants to slap the shit out of him.

"How could you fucking say that? Don't you dare say that because you weren't the one who was left behind by the man he loves. You weren't the one who was forced to sell his body because it was the only shit that can pay his fucking rent. You weren't the one who was forced to be homeless. Don't you dare say that because you didn't experience it. Fuck you, Harry Styles. I hope you rot in hell!"

 

➵ ➵ ➵ 

 

 

When Louis was still a kid, he had wished that he would marry a prince and have a happy ever after, but as a he grew older, he realized that it only happens in stories and movies. There was no happy ever after. He stopped believing especially when Harry abandoned him. He stopped believing those bull, and faced reality. He hated to face reality, but he had no choice but to get used to it. He knows that, to survive this world, you have to be heartless, and never wear your heart on your sleeve; or else people will tear off every bit of your heart until there's nothing left for you. 

Louis got dressed quickly and wore his heels. He glance at the other strippers who were getting ready. He didn't have a lot of friends. Zayn, and Liam were his only friends and he was very thankful. Why have a lot of friends who'll eventually leave you?

"Lou, you're up next." Liam said, and ushered him to go. He nodded and walked towards the stage. He took a deep breath and the curtains slowly opened.

"The one you all have been waiting for," Zayn spoke through the microphone. "Sugar!"

Louis smirked and walked seductively to the edge of the stage, feeling hungry eyes on him. He loved the attention. He wink and bit his lip, bending down and slapping his ass. He went to where the pole is on and grind his hips. He saw men throwing money on the stage while some where sitting down with eyes full of lust. He twirled around the pole, looking at the crowd. The whole club was filled with hollering and groans.

After his scene, he went to the dressing room, stuffing all the money he got, inside his bag. He was about to change when Liam called him.

"Lap dance in room 2."

Louis sighed and nodded, changing into another outfit. He grabbed a pair of handcuffs and went to the room. He really wanted to go home, but he was worried that he'll be alone again. Don't get him wrong, he likes being alone, but sometimes it gets lonely, you know?

He opened the door and gasp. Life must really hate him right now. He closed the door and stared anywhere but at Harry.

"Didn't know you'd be a fucking stripper. Dancing in front of horny old men. Never knew you'd be the type." Harry spoke.

Louis snapped his head to Harry's direction, feeling his blood boil. How could he fucking say that?! He wants to slap the shit out of him.

"How could you fucking say that? Don't you dare say that because you weren't the one who was left behind by the man he loves. You weren't the one who was forced to sell his body because it was the only shit that can pay his fucking rent. You weren't the one who was forced to be homeless. Don't you dare say that because you didn't experience it. Fuck you, Harry Styles. I hope you rot in hell!"

\--

When Louis woke up, with tear stained cheeks and a fucking head ache, he wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear. He really wasn't ready to go to class. He stood up and showered quickly. He got dressed and went out, not bothering to eat anything. He decided to walk and stuff his hands inside his jean pockets. He was wearing a jumper that used to be Harry's, and black skinny jeans. His shoes were worn out and faded. But all in all, he looks worn out. His eyes were dull and tired, he was so fucking done. He wished he would just be happy for once. But happiness was such a luxury that he could never have no matter how much he tried. 

Louis smiled bitterly and shook his head. He could never be happy. 

Louis got inside his first class and went to take a sit at the back. He looked around looking for Zayn, but found no luck. He took his notebook and pen out, deciding to just write poems since he was very early. Poetry was his only escape, and the only way to vent everything. He couldn't tell Zayn and Liam about his past, and he was lucky they didn't ask him about it. The pair knew better than to ask, because they knew it was the reason why Liam found Louis shivering out in the cold when they first met. Luckily, they still supported him, and provided for him back then when he had nothing but a broken heart. Maybe in time he will tell them about his life back then, but for now, his pen and his notebook was the source of his happiness. 

 

 **(The poems are not mine.** **Creds** **to the owner.)**

 _You made me feel like I was flying,_  
_Like no matter who said what you would be there to pull me back into the clouds,_

 _Like I was something special,_  
_You were the first person to ever make me feel this way,_  
_Then when I realized it was all just an illusion,_

 _The fun ended and I hit the concrete with a cold, hard, awakening,_  
_You left me stranded to die alone,_  
_You left me there to cry myself to sleep at night,_

_It hurt so much to hear you say I was just a toy,_

_Something you could play with,_  
_Someone who you wanted to wallow in your misery with you,_

_You ruined me,_

_I am no longer the boy with the bright eyes or beautiful smile,_

_I am now the boy drowning in his tears,_

_Who can barely breathe at the simple thought of what we had,_

_The boy who deep down, is slowly dying,_

_The worst thing is that you can never know,_

_You will forever more think of me as the boy you threw to the side and didn't hurt,_

_I am so much more that you can never see,_

_I will forever be, the boy you ruined..._  


   


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Hope you liked it guys. Don't forget to comment down your thoughts and feedbacks with this chapter? 
> 
> Twitter: @badlxrrie 
> 
> All the love.


	4. quatre.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!
> 
> Edited.

> _The greatest line in history_   
>  _Baby it’s not you, it’s me_   
>  _What you think I’m dumb, dumb babydoll_   
>  _I’m big enough and bad enough_   
>  _And I can tell when things get rough_   
>  _Now nothing that you say can break my fall_
> 
> _-Break My Fall by Lana Del Rey_
> 
>  

 

Louis was at home, a bottle of whisky in his hands and a numb look in his face.  He was staring at the ceiling as he lied down on the floor, music blasting. He just got home from  work and by work, he means stripping in front of horny creepy men. His thoughts were filled with dark memories- some with Harry. He was just so..empty right now. He wanted to end it all, but something was telling him not to. Though, that doesn't stop him from getting the nearest blade and slicing his wrist until he felt satisfied. The deep, sick satisfaction he felt afterwards made him sick to his stomach. 

It was now December. The cold air surround Louis' apartment but he didn't mind. He didn't mind at all how he was so cold that his body was now numb. No, all he cared about was Harry. He was confused as to why he was still in love with the man who had tore his heart and danced on the remains. He still love the man who broke him. 

_Stupid feelings._ Louis grumbled and stood up, feeling a few kinks on his back as he straightened his posture. It was almost afternoon and he should get up and do something reproductive, but his head was dizzy and his body feels heavy and tired to the bones. 

He walked to the kitchen and went through cupboards, trying to find some pain killers. Once he found it, he grabbed a glass and filled it with water. Swallowing the pain killers with water, he glanced around and sighed sadly. The whole place doesn't feel like home, no, It was far from home. His home is with Har-

Louis' thoughts were interrupted by a knock on his door, making him sigh and slowly went up to the door. His feet padding on the cold floor as the knocking increased. 

"Coming!" He yelled, huffing in annoyance.   _Who could this person be?_ Louis ponders. 

_Liam and Zayn are in a date right now, so no. I mean, they're my only friends, so who the hell is it?_ Louis wonders in confusion.  He had no other friends, and no one was close enough with him to know his address. He just hoped that it wasn't the cops. 

He creaked the door open and his eyes widened at the person in front of him. 

Standing in front of him was Harry Styles himself, with a smile on his face and flowers clutched in his hands. His eyes were starring at Louis' blue ones intently, as if it was telling him something. His lips stretched in a wide smile. Louis suddenly  felt sick in his stomach. 

"Hi?" Harry whispered, handing Louis the red carnations that was just so lovely, and beautiful. This seems to snap Louis out of his trance and glared at the green eyed man. He was feeling mixed emotions, and he couldn't comprehend what he truly feels as Harry stands in front of him. Was it anger, sadness, pain, or longing? 

 

"Why are you here?" Louis managed to stutter out. He doesn't know what to do. He wants to kiss the man and hug him, but at the same time, he wants to kick him out and scream at him. He's just so confused. 

"Can we talk?" Harry asked. 

Louis' lips parted to disagree but he nodded in silence and stepped back, inviting Harry inside. The older of the two steps in, removing his coat and scarf before placing it on the coat rack. Louis sat on the couch, Harry trailing behind him before sitting down on the opposite couch. 

Louis stared at Harry. He was no longer the man he met years ago. He still looks the same, but the dullness in his eyes made him look twice his age. The stubble on his chin made Louis want to reach out and touch it, but no, he couldn't do that anymore. He wasn't his anymore. Maybe Harry has a new lover now. Someone who's enough, someone who could satisfy him. Someone prettier and skinnier than him. Someone better. And the thought made Louis' stomach churn. 

 

"Louis, I'm sorry." 

 

\--

 

_"Louis, I'm sorry."_

 

"Are you really?" Louis chuckled, and turned to face Harry who was trying to hold back his tears from escaping. His heart broke at the sight of the green eyed boy in front of him.

"From the bottom of my heart, I am, Lou." Harry said, reaching out for Louis' hands, ignoring the pain in his chest when the boy recoiled. He deserves this after messing up the only good thing in his life— Louis Tomlinson. Sure, he's a billionaire, owns a lot of different cars, a mansion that didn't feel like home after he left Louis, and expensive things that one can only imagine having. Those didn't matter if he cannot have the blue eyed boy back. 

Louis rolled his eyes and got up to prepare tea. With all of his strength, he reached for the kettle and filled it with water from the sink. 

"I only have some cheap tea, so if you prefer anything else, just say so."

"I—tea is fine, Lou."

"Don't call me that."

He stood there waiting for the water to boil, avoiding Harry's gaze at all cost. He couldn't believe the guy had the guts to come in his house, and say he's 'sorry' after everything? What a joke. A simple sorry cannot fix what is broken, nor will it make what happened a long time ago, be forgotten. You cannot open old scars again.

"I've forgiven you along time ago, Harry." Louis spoke, eyes never leaving the window. "I've forgiven you even if you broke me into pieces I couldn't imagine, even if you left me without any explanation at all. So if forgiveness is what you wanted, you have it, and you can leave now." He tried not to turn around and face Harry, but he was not brave enough.

"I'm also here to get you back, Louis." Harry said, getting up from the couch and to the kitchen. He stared at the smaller boy's back longingly and noticed how skinnier he had gotten. His small frame made Harry worry.

The blue eyed boy laughed bitterly, and finally meeting the green eyed man's eyes. He almost got lost at the sight of the man who still holds his heart, but he composed himself quickly. Harry looked older, but still beautiful as ever; his eyes were lovely, and his pink lips were pulled in a deep frown. His hair was shorter, but more fluffier, and Louis was tempted to reach out and pat it.

"You can't always get what you want," 

"I  _need_ you, Louis. I crave for your existence and your soul. Without you, I'm a mess. I have questioned life more than I can possibly count after I left you. I'm so fucking sorry, baby. You deserve the whole fucking universe, and if you'll give me a chance, I will give it in a heartbeat." Harry pleaded, getting on his knees and nuzzling his head on Louis' waist. His arms were locked on the latter's waist tightly, as if he was about to be taken away anytime soon. 

"That's the thing, Harry. I don't want the whole universe, I want you. Fuck the universe— I had you and that was enough for me back then. I didn't want you to give me the whole universe, I only wanted your love and affection." Louis snapped, his hands pliant on his side. He didn't want to touch Harry, but he let the other hold onto him. 

"Do you love me because you need me? Or do you need me because you love me?" He couldn't help but ask the man who was holding onto him for dear life. 

"Fuck, babe, you're my whole life. I fucking love you with every fiber of my being, and every atom in me." Harry replied, tears spilling from his eyes. 

"You should've told that to me, years ago, Harry. You don't know what you did to me." 

"Then make me understand, please." 

The sound of the kettle startled the duo, causing them to pull away. Louis took the mittens and lifted the kettle, pouring a decent amount of water in each mug. They both sat down on the rusty chairs, and tried to avoid each other's gaze. It was silent; neither of the two making a sound, tension growing around them both. Harry glanced around and observed the small flat. It was small, smaller than his walk in closet back in his house, and the furniture looked old and dirty, clothes and trashes everywhere. The kitchen sink was filled with dirty dishes piled up, and he wanted to clean those, being the neat freak he is.

"When you left me, I had nowhere to go. No money, no phone— nothing. I was starving, and I didn't know where to go. I didn't have any family, and I just felt so lost and so alone. I lived in the streets for awhile before Liam found me. He offered me a job and a place to stay. He didn't pressure me into stripping, but he encouraged me to look beyond all the hurt and pain that was in my heart. Before he found me, I wasn't sure if I was gonna survive another day. I was hoping and hoping that you would comeback, but I was wrong. I waited where you left me, and slept in an ally every night with nothing but a thin shirt and jeans. I was dirty and disgusting, and I wanted to die, but the hope inside my heart didn't die out. It was stupid of me to believe that you would comeback." Louis laughed as tears started to steam down his face. "Life isn't easy for me, and you were the only good thing that happened to me. I don't regret being with you before, because you made me happy, and so loved." 

Harry couldn't believe what he was hearing. He caused his baby that? He could never get over the fact that his baby had to strip in front of horny men just to have a roof above his head, and food on his table. The guilt was like a tsunami inside. It flowing continuously in his veins as if it was blood. Words can never describe how he felt at the moment.

"I'll admit, yes I still love you. But loving you was like drowning in my own thoughts. You made me put up walls that shouldn't have been there from the start. The never ending pain of being in love with you was growing like a rose full of thorns. It hurts, Harry. You made me question my own worth, for fuck's sake!" Louis breathed heavily, composing himself. He stared at the man in front of him; the man who broke him in many ways more than one.

"Then let me in, again, baby. I will respect your thorns for you are my rose. I will show you that love didn't hurt you, I did, and I will forever be sorry for that. If you give me another chance, your tears must only be caused by laughing too much, and I will make this feel like home. I will offer my whole life and my whole love to you, and only for you. You are my life." Harry's tears were never ending, and he was furiously wiping his tears away. 

"You've lived before me, Harry, and you will continue living even without me." Louis spoke hoarsely. 

"It was not living at all. It was existing. I was alive, but barely. You showed me how to love myself, and to be who I am today. You showed me what love is. You gave me a reason to live, Lou." Harry sobbed, his heart beating fast in his chest. His love for the boy in front of him was immeasurable. 

"Enough is enough, Harry. Let's talk another time. I still have essays to finish. And if you would please excuse me, I need to wash the dishes." Louis' voice scared Harry. It was too calm, and void of emotions. "You can let yourself out." 

"I love you, Louis."   
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you liked this chapter. I'm gonna be updating a bit later since school just started, but don't fret, lovies! Comment down your thoughts and feedbacks, and I'll try to reply as soon as possible. Please leave a kudos if you haven't yet, thank you. 
> 
> Twitter: @badlxrrie
> 
> All the love.


	5. cinq.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING! MENTIONS OF MOLESTATION, AND OTHER THINGS THAT MIGHT TRIGGER PEOPLE. PLEASE BE AWARE!

> _Got bubble wrap around my heart_   
>  _Waiting for my life to start_   
>  _But everyday it never comes_   
>  _Permanently at square one_   
>  _When it's late at night-ight_   
>  _I'm so dissatisfied-ied_   
>  _The weight of an empty life-ife_   
>  _Will lessen in the moonlight_   
>  _In the light_
> 
> _-Living Dead by Marina and the Diamonds_
> 
> __

Louis knew to never trust people. Why would he? He has been hurt enough and fucked over by people he thought he could trust. For instance, his father. He was abandoned in an orphanage at the age of 6 years old, with nothing but a few clothes and a pair of shoes. He would always wonder back then if his father will come back for him, but as days, weeks, months and years passed, he lost hope.  At the age of 17, he was forced to leave the orphanage with nothing but his demons. Luckily, he had gotten a job as a waiter at some restaurant, in which, the owners took him under their wing, and gave him an apartment. At first he was hesitant, but the kind and comforting smile that they gave off made him feel at ease. Everything was going well, until one of the owner's son, molested him one day, and he ran out as fast as he can, and left with the money he had saved up. He left the town of Doncaster, and moved to London, wherein he met Harry. 

The first time Louis met Harry, it wasn't magical to say the least. The blue eyed boy was only 19 at that time, alone, and poor. He had put his walls higher than the sky in fear that someone would take advantage of him again. They met when Harry had stumbled inside a cozy diner, hungry and very stressed. Louis was the one who took his order, but the older man, since he was stressed out, had snapped at the boy the first time he spoke. Louis, being the sassy lad that he was, he snapped back, and made a comment about stuck up rich people. Unfortunately for the latter, he got fired because of it, and the anger he felt towards Harry when the man apologized after, and insisted he'll pay for Louis'salary this month. Louis managed to slap Harry with his small, dainty hand. 

Harry didn't stop apologizing by then, offering him a position at his company as his assistant (he fired his last assistant in hopes that Louis would take his offer). He would deliever flowers to Louis' small apartment, leaving messages here and there on top of the flowers. Louis tried to fight the feelings, fearing that Harry doesn't feel the same way. Eventually, they managed to become friends-- friends who goes out every friday to eat dinner at some fancy restaurant, friends who stares at each other rather fondly, with a mix of lust and love. 

It was now Tuesday, and the sun was hiding behind a thick layer of dark clouds, and there was a huge possibility that it'll rain a few minutes from now. Louis continued to stare at the sky that was too gloomy and dull for his liking. His hand was propped on the table, chin resting on his palm, as he tried to ignore everyone in the classroom. The room wasn't packed yet, and Harry was nowhere to be found. He was still grasping the fact that Harry would be their professor for awhile until the old one would come back. He hated the fact Harry came back in his life just to fuck him up over and over again. Why can't the world just give him a break? 

As the bell finally rang, students stumbled inside, quickly rushing to their seats before the professor would come. Louis watched them with empty eyes as they began to chatter about the 'hot' professor. It almost made him puke in disgust as they talked about Harry as if he was a sex object. He knew Harry, and he was more than what they can see. And no, he wasn't jealous; he was simply defending Harry. 

"Good morning everyone." Harry walked in, a smile etched on his face. It made Louis frown as he realized that Harry's smile didn't reach his eyes. The eyes were always the windows of the soul. Louis sat up properly, avoiding any eye contact from the man, and started to doodle on his notebook. "Today, we won't do much, but you guys have to write a poem. Be it personal, or not. You have 15 minutes to write, and after that, you have to pass it to me. Got it?" 

Everyone quickly pulled out a pen and a paper, scribbling down some words, while others began to ponder. Louis though, didn't make any sign of movements and continued to stare off to space. He had a lot of poems in mind, but he wasn't gonna write it all down and pass it to Harry. It was way too personal for Harry to read it. After all, every poem was about the green eyed man. Realizing that he needs higher grades, he sighed and pulled out a paper and pen, writing down the poem he had in mind. 

The poem he had in mind was dark, and was basically about Harry. He wrote it nonetheless, he wanted for Harry to read the poem and feel everything Louis felt at the moment. He wanted Harry to feel all the pain, agony and heartbreak he was feeling. It was sick for him to even think of it, but he just wanted to be understood for once. 

 

Harry sat on his desk, looking around to make sure everyone was doing the task. His eyes lingered longer than needed on Louis who was hunched over and writing. His heart skipped a beat as he watches Louis like a hawk, not caring if someone labels him as a creep. It wasn't his fault that the one he loved was in the same room as he was. Louis Tomlinson was truly a masterpiece, and an angel. The petite boy was a museum full of art, but Harry had his eyes shut, and the latter regrets not cherishing the boy before, but he made it his mission to get Louis back, and to love, and adore the boy for better or for worse. 

Louis was an angel that made even the devil want to get to heaven. He was irresistable, beautiful and so fucking ethereal. Harry fell for Louis so fast, that he thinks the universe already knew that they were destined together. He truly believed that Louis was a gift from God and the universe, and Harry wanted to prove it to the boy that he was indeed the most beautiful, and sweetest creature to ever walk on Earth. 

"Excuse me, Mr Styles." A voice interrupted his thoughts that were filled with Louis. Harry glanced up, and smiled at the boy in front of him who had brunette hair, and jet black eyes.

_James was it? Or Jamie?_

"Are you done with the poem, kid?" Harry asked, voice smooth and professional. He wasn't stupid and oblivious not to know that the boy in front of him had a crush on him, and Harry was flattered, yes, but he only desired for Louis, and only Louis. 

The boy, whose name was still unknown to Harry, blushed deeply. "I--uhm, no. I wanted to ask-" He was interrupted by another voice chiming in, and to say that Harry's heart stopped would be an understatement. Louis stood beside the other boy, eyes flared in jealousy (Harry might've swooned and cooed at his jealousy), and fingers clutching his paper tightly. His lips were pursed, and he stood there almost void, but Harry knew better. 

"Here." Louis snapped, burning holes on Jamie's skull, hatred as clear as the day. Harry's lips were parted as he slowly took the paper, touching a bit of Louis' skin, making him feel dizzy, and electrecuted. He didn't feel sparks, he felt fireworks. He felt like he was being electrecuted, and overwhelemed by love when he touched Louis. He was a goner for him. 

"You can go now, twink." Jamie jeered, annoyed at Louis who was still standing, staring at Harry. 

Harry wanted to choke the brunette boy. "Actually, you should head back to your seat now, Jamie, if you don't have any important thing to say. Louis, please stay, I have something to talk to you about." Harry stated, feeling no trace of guilt as Jamie reddened. He had it coming when he interrupted his and Louis' moment. 

"It's actually, John, Mr Styles, but you can call me anything you want." Jamie-- John said, his tone indicating that he was flirting with Harry. Louis rolled his eyes, fist clenched to his side. He had to remind himself that he should keep a good reputation for his scholarship, but it was hard to do so when fucking John was flirting with someone who's not clearly interested in him. 

Harry was beyond annoyed, but he tried not to sound like an asshole as he spoke. "I could careless what to call you, Johnny. Now, why don't you finish working on your task, yeah?" 

John was embarrassed as he squirmed and went back to his seat, face as red as a tomato. Louis smirked as he watched John who was so embarrassed, that he looked like he wanted  to cry. It was a pity really, the brunette boy was actually nice, but flirting with Harry was such a major no no. Though, Louis had to remind himself that he had no right to be jealous, but he couldn't help but be possessive over Harry. After all, he was Louis' first and only love. 

"So, Lou." Harry began, shifting in his seat. He made eye contact with the boy, green eyes glistening in pure adoration. 

"It's Louis." 

It stinged Harry when Louis corrected him. He tried not to show the hurt, and focused on the boy's lips in hopes of distracting himself from the pain. Fortunately for Harry, it did work; and now, he was so fucking tempted to reach out and pressed his lips to Louis' thin ones. 

"What do you want, Mr Styles?" Louis' voice was laced with venom and spite, eyes emotionless as ever. His arms were crossed on his chest, leaning on his left foot. He was swimming in his Adidas sweater, and Harry's heart melted at the sight. It reminded him when Louis used to wear his clothes back then, strutting around in their huge house, with his panty clad arse showing. 

Harry gulped down, feeling his pants get tighter. "I wanted to ask if you're down for some coffee later? Or tea since you're a tea kind of guy." 

Louis shook his head, feeling a bile rush to his throat. It was a tempting offer, but he had a job later, and he couldn't risk getting late for work. It was almost time to pay the rent, and he needs to make money as much as possible. "I can't Mr Styles, I have work later. Ask someone else instead. Maybe they'd be willing to get their hearts' broken." 

Louis cruised back to his seat, he should be happy over the fact that he knew he hit a nerve in Harry, but the guilt was there lying deep inside of him. He was such a loser; he couldn't be mean without feeling bad later. He knew he should be a bitch so that no one would take advantage of him again. He'd rather be heartless than to get his heart broken again. He couldn't take the pain if he ever does get heartbroken again. Having a brroken heart with no one to mend, no one to pick up the pieces. No one but him. 

 

By the time afternoon came, Louis hurried out of the lecture room, bag drapped on his shoulder. His small legs almost gave out as he finally reached the exit of the building. He wore the other strap of his bag as he walked out, dodging past students who were doing their own thing. It was a miracle that the sun had shown up, and it made Louis' mood go up as he smiled to himself. He basked under the warmth of the sun, almost blinding him as he looked up before looking straight ahead. He wanted to strangle Zayn when he realized that the raven haired boy had skipped class again, probably heading to Liam's flat. Zayn and Liam were too lovey dovey in front of him, reminding Louis what he missed out. He knew it wasn't on purpose, but sometimes, he wanted to set himself on fire when he was faced with the couple half naked on his couch. It was not something that he would like to witness, no thanks.

Louis walked towards the gate, humming softly to himself. His gaze was downcast on his Vans clad feet. He should get a new pair already, since the one he wore today was dirty and rugged. But he was tight on the budget now, so maybe he'll buy a new pair on his birthday. 

He shivered slightly as the wind tickled his exposed skin. He always loved these kind of afternoons wherein the sun was out and the wind cooling his heated skin. It was very rare since he was in London, but when he gets to have an afternoon like this, he would always take advantage of the day, and enjoy the warmth of the sun. 

Louis was about to bend down and tie his shoelace, but his eyes found Harry's figure standing by a black, and sleek Porsche, but he wasn't alone-- Harry was standing with a guy who had his arms wrapped around the latter. Louis' heart dropped, and everything seemed to fade away as everything seemed to go on with life except for his frozen body. He couldn't find the words to utter, nor the strength to run and just forget seeing this horrible,  _horrible,_ scene. It was like the air was knocked out from his lungs, leaving him gasping for air. 

He had expected this. He knew Harry would eventually find someone better, but that didn't stop Louis from hoping that Harry would fight for him. And now, as Louis watches the scene unfold in front of him, he knew that he wasn't sad anymore, he was fucking numb. He was so fucking numb that he yearned for any other feeling. He shouldn't put his happiness in people's palm, they'll drop it. He was such a fool. A fucking fool for believing that he was enough for Harry to fight for. Guess he wasn't. 

 

Suddenly, blue met green, and Louis forgot how to breath. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! How was it? Comment down your thoughts and feedbacks, and I'll reply to you as soon as possible.
> 
> All the love.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again! Thoughts? Let me know your feedbacks, and I'll reply as soon as possible. Please do leave a kudos, for it will mean a lot to me. Thank you. 
> 
> Follow me on twitter @badlxrrie 
> 
> All the love.


End file.
